J
Jennifer Bly
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Do you want to build strong bonds with your children? Do you want your children to know they can depend on you? Here are some suggestions for how to nurture your relationship with your children and strengthen the bond between you.
photo credit: © depositphotos.com / avemario
Don’t laugh at me, but sometimes I imagine what my relationship with my daughters will be like when they’re older.
What will they be like when they’re 12, 16, 18, 26? Will we butt heads, or will we have a close relationship? I wonder about our connection and if they will feel like they can count on me.
As I reflect on these things, I’m sure of one thing: What I do now will impact the relationship I’ll have with my girls later in life.
More than anything, I want my children to trust me and know that they can depend on me. On some days, I feel like I’m progressing wonderfully toward this goal; on other days, I feel like I’m messing everything up.
For this month’s Parenting Resolution, I want to focus on doing things that let my children know they can depend on me. Here’s what I’ve come up with…
How do you let your children know that they can depend on you? #parenting
Share on X
This is probably the most important thing I can do as a parent. When my children have a problem or a challenge, it’s important that they feel like they can always talk to me. Listening can be hard. Sometimes, I feel like the voices of my children are chattering nonstop in my head. At times, I even wish I could shush them so that I can have some peace and quiet.
Then I think about the people I’m most fond of in my life. What I appreciate the most about them is that they’re great listeners. I feel like I can tell them anything and that they truly hear me. I want my children to know that when they talk to me, I will listen lovingly and nonjudgmentally.
Here are some ways to let your children know you are listening to them.
Undivided attention.
One of the best ways to let someone know you are listening to them is to give them your complete, undivided attention. This is most often reflected in the posture of your body and through eye contact.
I recognize that I can’t always immediately drop what I’m doing to listen to what my children say. I’ll let them know when I’m busy: “What you’re saying sounds important. I want to give you all my attention. I need 5 minutes to wrap this up before we talk, okay?”
Ditch the screens and electronic devices.
It feels like I’m continually working on this. I do blog work in the afternoons while my children have “quiet” time. More often than not, my time is interrupted by at least one of my girls. I have caught myself answering their requests while looking at the computer screen.
I want to stop doing this altogether. I need to practice this with my husband, too.
Be an active listener.
When I was in my Early Childhood Education program, one of the critical practices they taught us was active listening. Unfortunately, I practice this more with people outside of my immediate family. Active listening involves being attentive to what the other person is saying. It discerns and clarifies the meaning, intentions, and feelings behind the words the other person is speaking.
This month, I want to focus on using active listening techniques with my children.
This is a critical way to let my children know they can depend on me. For instance, if they are frustrated, struggling, or made a poor choice, I want to respond as gently and as lovingly as I can.
Responding with love can be particularly challenging if they make a poor choice. However, I’ve recently realized that we learn best from our mistakes. I don’t want to shame my children when they mess up; rather, I want to encourage them to assess how they would do things differently if confronted with a similar situation in the future.
We seem to live in a culture that promotes independence. As an early childhood educator, I know the importance of allowing children to assert their autonomy. I wonder, though, if this constant push for independence sometimes pushes our children away.
I’ve been reading Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages of Children. This book has prompted me to consider my parenting techniques—specifically with my youngest daughter. It never occurred to me that she could perceive this as rejection when she asks for help, and I tell her that she can do it for herself. What if her love language is acts of service?!
I will pay closer attention to moments like these and help my daughter whenever she seems genuinely overwhelmed by something.
Lastly, I can let my children know they can depend on me by praying with and for them. By offering to pray with my children, I’m letting them know that God cares for them and will always be there for them in their challenges and frustrations.
I want my children to know they can depend on me spiritually and that I will be here to lead and guide them through prayer whenever needed.
This month, I would like to challenge you to think of ways to let your children know they can depend on you.
Will you do me a favor and tell us how you let your children know they can depend on you? Then, take a moment to share this article with your parenting tribes.
Introduction: The Parenting Resolution: Make This Year the Best Year!
Challenge #1: The Parenting Resolution: Creating a Learning Plan
Challenge #2: How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids
Challenge #3: How to Say More Yes and Less No
Challenge #4: How to Let Your Children Know They Can Depend on You
Challenge #5: Banishing Mom Guilt Once and For All
The post How to Let Your Children Know They Can Depend on You appeared first on The Deliberate Mom.
photo credit: © depositphotos.com / avemario
Don’t laugh at me, but sometimes I imagine what my relationship with my daughters will be like when they’re older.
What will they be like when they’re 12, 16, 18, 26? Will we butt heads, or will we have a close relationship? I wonder about our connection and if they will feel like they can count on me.
As I reflect on these things, I’m sure of one thing: What I do now will impact the relationship I’ll have with my girls later in life.
More than anything, I want my children to trust me and know that they can depend on me. On some days, I feel like I’m progressing wonderfully toward this goal; on other days, I feel like I’m messing everything up.
For this month’s Parenting Resolution, I want to focus on doing things that let my children know they can depend on me. Here’s what I’ve come up with…
How do you let your children know that they can depend on you? #parenting
Share on X
Listening.
This is probably the most important thing I can do as a parent. When my children have a problem or a challenge, it’s important that they feel like they can always talk to me. Listening can be hard. Sometimes, I feel like the voices of my children are chattering nonstop in my head. At times, I even wish I could shush them so that I can have some peace and quiet.
Then I think about the people I’m most fond of in my life. What I appreciate the most about them is that they’re great listeners. I feel like I can tell them anything and that they truly hear me. I want my children to know that when they talk to me, I will listen lovingly and nonjudgmentally.
Here are some ways to let your children know you are listening to them.
Undivided attention.
One of the best ways to let someone know you are listening to them is to give them your complete, undivided attention. This is most often reflected in the posture of your body and through eye contact.
I recognize that I can’t always immediately drop what I’m doing to listen to what my children say. I’ll let them know when I’m busy: “What you’re saying sounds important. I want to give you all my attention. I need 5 minutes to wrap this up before we talk, okay?”
Ditch the screens and electronic devices.
It feels like I’m continually working on this. I do blog work in the afternoons while my children have “quiet” time. More often than not, my time is interrupted by at least one of my girls. I have caught myself answering their requests while looking at the computer screen.
I want to stop doing this altogether. I need to practice this with my husband, too.
Be an active listener.
When I was in my Early Childhood Education program, one of the critical practices they taught us was active listening. Unfortunately, I practice this more with people outside of my immediate family. Active listening involves being attentive to what the other person is saying. It discerns and clarifies the meaning, intentions, and feelings behind the words the other person is speaking.
This month, I want to focus on using active listening techniques with my children.
Responding with love.
This is a critical way to let my children know they can depend on me. For instance, if they are frustrated, struggling, or made a poor choice, I want to respond as gently and as lovingly as I can.
Responding with love can be particularly challenging if they make a poor choice. However, I’ve recently realized that we learn best from our mistakes. I don’t want to shame my children when they mess up; rather, I want to encourage them to assess how they would do things differently if confronted with a similar situation in the future.
Help when it’s warranted.
We seem to live in a culture that promotes independence. As an early childhood educator, I know the importance of allowing children to assert their autonomy. I wonder, though, if this constant push for independence sometimes pushes our children away.
I’ve been reading Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages of Children. This book has prompted me to consider my parenting techniques—specifically with my youngest daughter. It never occurred to me that she could perceive this as rejection when she asks for help, and I tell her that she can do it for herself. What if her love language is acts of service?!
I will pay closer attention to moments like these and help my daughter whenever she seems genuinely overwhelmed by something.
Prayer.
Lastly, I can let my children know they can depend on me by praying with and for them. By offering to pray with my children, I’m letting them know that God cares for them and will always be there for them in their challenges and frustrations.
I want my children to know they can depend on me spiritually and that I will be here to lead and guide them through prayer whenever needed.
This month’s challenge:
This month, I would like to challenge you to think of ways to let your children know they can depend on you.
Will you do me a favor and tell us how you let your children know they can depend on you? Then, take a moment to share this article with your parenting tribes.
This post is part of The Parenting Resolution series. The entire series is here:
Introduction: The Parenting Resolution: Make This Year the Best Year!
Challenge #1: The Parenting Resolution: Creating a Learning Plan
Challenge #2: How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids
Challenge #3: How to Say More Yes and Less No
Challenge #4: How to Let Your Children Know They Can Depend on You
Challenge #5: Banishing Mom Guilt Once and For All
The post How to Let Your Children Know They Can Depend on You appeared first on The Deliberate Mom.